


The Process

by ConfessionForAnotherTime



Series: Aquarium Therapy [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Agender Character, Angst and Humor, Comfort/Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Universe Alterations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 01:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4502907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessionForAnotherTime/pseuds/ConfessionForAnotherTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whoever said ‘time heals all wounds’ was full of shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Process

**Author's Note:**

> For RedTeamShark.

\---

Whoever said ‘time heals all wounds’ was full of shit. Time healed _nothing_. It just made it easier to deal with. Carolina doesn’t know how she made it out of there that day with everyone still intact. Between all of the complications and seeing the Tartarus speed out, there was  so much she wasn’t leaving to chance. With Sharkface with them, she could ensure their death, instead of just supposing it like has been done with so many that came before her. Wash and Kimball had shot their enemy in the chest. She could hear still the labored breaths as they lay down in a pool of their own blood, so different from the ones vibrating up from her lap right now.

_“Grab them. We don’t want them coming back a second time.” Carolina pulled Kimball toward the pelican as Wash grabbed Sharkface’s broken and bleeding body, ignoring the murmurs._

_“Yeah buddy okay. Fight me later. We don’t have time for you to dra---” Wash looked up when Carolina barked at him._

_“Move!” Carolina helped Wash load them in, the pelican heading out of the blast radi---_

No. Not now. Not with all the rehabilitation that had been done over the past months.

\---

Between the fighting and the anger, Carolina was surprised that Grey managed to make it out with all of her fingers intact. The cheerful demeanor never changed and they grew to trust her, somehow. The cheerful updates were also punctuated by quiet murmurs that they were still angry. They wanted revenge. They were planning to come for the freelancers still.

Carolina’s solemn nods mixed with concerned looks, and Wash would back away when he saw her get to that level of acceptance. They fought for the same level of peace, yet went the more violent route. She had come to terms with her past, leaving a pistol behind for it to ring in her ears when she woke in the middle of the night, reminding Epsilon that she was certain a shot had rung out the second the door was closed when she left the freelancer outpost several years prior. Carolina knew it would take time. Time healed all wounds right? Judging by her shiner from where they punched her in the face following being released from medical, Carolina supposed time hadn’t begun to heal for Sharkface. She didn’t want to keep them caged like an animal, yet they lashed out like one, fits of rage over being alive instead of dead.

“You’re not running away this time,” they said, chasing after Carolina as several of the Feds chased them, Grey following close after.

“Don’t hurt them. I told you not to release them yet.” Grey shot a look at Suzy, then another at the Fed who had his arm around their neck a little too tight. Sharkface shrugged them off, grumbling as they followed her.

Weeks came to pass and Carolina found herself caught between a rock and a hard place. They were making good on their promise. _As long... as I’m still breathing, it will never be over. I will hunt you, I will burn you. As long as I’m alive, you’re all as good as dead!_ She waited for exhaustion to set in. She wanted them to be at peace with themselves.

“Not everyone subscribes to your ideals of _friendship_ and _acceptance_ , bitch. I know what works for me and it will be when I help put you in the ground.” They left with  a soldier on either side of them, an escort back to the room that Grey called a safe spot for them. She didn’t trust either side at this point.

\---

“Talk to them.” Grey cocked her head to the side as Carolina just stared.

“Excuse me?” Carolina dropped the chalk on the workout mat.

“Like what Doc did with the Generals. I figure it has to work with the two of you as well. Would you like me to grab the speaking ball so that you two can use it in here? Seems like the _best_ place with all the padding and lack of sharp corners.” Grey’s cheerful attitude over the entire thing set Carolina on edge.

“Uh… I guess. At least give me some time to put my armor back on since I know they won’t be coming out of theirs. No flamethrowers. I can’t handle growing my eyebrows back again.” Carolina took a deep breath as Grey giggled and recounted the event from the week Sharkface had joined them.

“I will be here the entire time to assist with the facilitation of the conversation. It will be so much _fun_! I’m very grateful that Doc taught me something about crisis situations that I hadn’t thought of.” Grey clapped her hands together in amusement, heading out of the room to grab the ball and have Sharkface escorted to the training room. Carolina exited in the opposite direction, pulling on her armor as fast as she could, drawing confused looks from Wash in the locker room. Once she explained, he was helping her clap on her gauntlets and managed to get her hair caught on the chest piece, leaving her to frantically flail as he panicked on how to get the hair free. Jensen coming to help the two of them was something neither would live down.

Carolina and Wash emerged, Jensen smirking and following behind them as they left the locker room and waited in the training room. The giant black and white checkered ball rolled in a few minutes later with Caboose and Smith nudging it it the last few feet, followed by Sharkface and Grey. Wash scooted a few seats down the bench when Sharkface’s eyes fell on him. Carolina eyed the ball, then Sharkface and Grey.

“This isn’t going to work so long as they aren’t willing to listen to reason.” Carolina took a few steps back, then pushed the ball to Sharkface, leaving Grey in the middle. “They can start.”

“Have it your way.” Sharkface stared at the ball, to Carolina on the other side and back at the ball. Their eyes shifted from left to right. “You know this is really stupid right?”

“Oh I know, but it works!” Grey said with a nod of her head. “You have the speaking ball. What would you like to say to Carolina?”

“You’re the reason I’m angry.” They kept the ball on their side of the training room and Wash inched his way further down the bench and into a doorframe. “You, both of you are why I am without a family.” They shoved the ball at Carolina, the ball shoving her back just a little.

“I don’t understand the point of you being angry at me. I told you I was following the wrong people. I told you I was wrong. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to end up so far gone, to start on the path I started to go---” Carolina blinked in surprise when she was interrupted.

“SORRY _DOESN’T_ BRING THEM BACK!” they shouted, fists clenched at their sides.

“Sharkface, please, Carolina was kind enough to be quiet while you spoke. It is time for you to give her the same courtesy,” Grey chirped, shaking her finger at them. They folded their arms, motioning for her to finish.

“---down. That was really all I had left.” Carolina pushed the ball at them, underestimating the weight. She walked to the middle of the room and pushed it again toward them.

“Can I go next?”

“No, Caboose.”

“You don’t understand how I feel though. You took away my family! You took away everything important to me and I need to see you pay for it.” Sharkface shoved the ball back again, folding their arms and refusing to look at her.

“You know what? I’ve lost my family too! Not just the freelancers, which you seem to be bound to destroy the last one I have, but my _mother,_ and as far as I am concerned, my father too. I watched him destroy himself and leave me to fend for myself growing up because we lost her in the war. It tore him to pieces, and when he was gone, I was at peace with the fact that I let go of my hatred toward him too. It tore me to pieces knowing that I would never see her again, at least I thought I wouldn’t, until he managed to bring back a shadow of her former self and obsess over it for years. So to watch him die when she did, then watch him slowly kill himself trying to cling to the last shreds of her, and on top of that, be the person to hand him the pistol which I can only guess what he did with, yeah, I can fucking say I’ve lost family too.” Carolina kicked the ball at them. Grey stayed silent when she noticed Wash had slipped out the door at this point, but a heavy sigh was heard just outside.

“It wasn’t my fault they died though. I didn’t kill your mother. You did kill them though.” They shoved the ball back and Carolina barely caught it as it almost knocked her over.

“If we’re going by that technical route, the only one of your team I even thought I killed was _you_ and the rest of my team took out your squad. So _I_ didn’t kill your family, Maine did. My father did. The rest of my team did.” She kicked the ball back at them, hitting them harder than intended. Carolina surprised herself with how calm she was.

“You were still a part of it though!” Sharkface shoved the ball back and Carolina braced as it pushed her back.

“I may have been, but I feel bad about it. I know that isn’t enough for you, but at least I’m trying to correct the wrongs I’ve made in the past. You’re trying to run from it in order to seek revenge, which will leave you as an empty shell.” She kicked the ball hard this time, knocking them flat on their back. She walked the few steps over to them, extending her hand to them. “The difference between me and you though, is I will offer help to those who have wronged me, cheated me, pissed me off, or otherwise caused unhappiness in my life. Are you willing to do the same?”

“Do I have to like it?” Sharkface asked as they propped themself up on their elbows.

“Not in the slightest. Just try to realize that no one deserves to burn out like that or be shot like a rabid dog in the street.”

\---

The months passed easier. The loathing that sat between Carolina and Sharkface, since they refused to go by anything else to Caboose’s delight, never really disappeared. She still found them scowling at her from time to time. She hated the way that their face would scrunch when they tried to convince themself that, all in all, this was a terrible idea and they should kill her in her sleep.

Eventually, the looks faded, only showing up when she triumphed over the last ration. She usually caught the look, sharing half with them. She sat in surprise when they shared half of their own ration the next time without prompting. _It’s a step._

“Naomi used to do the same thing to me,” they explained quietly. Carolina rested her hand on their leg, patting it softly. This time she didn’t withdraw, didn’t pull away, and she also didn’t get snapped at for touching them.

Later that night as Carolina got ready for bed, she heard a soft knock on the door. She raised an eyebrow at Sharkface standing before her, fists not balled. She covered her mouth with her hand.

“Please don’t. I’m coming to terms with Caboose and how he’s entertained so the least I cou---” They got half of an explanation out before she held out her hand to them, pulling them inside.

“Shhh it’s okay. Caboose likes to… welcome others by giving them things. I just don’t understand how he found a shark shirt that says ‘be my chum’ on the front. I won’t question it. He found one for me that says ‘who’s the boss?’ and I don’t wanna talk about it.” She looked away quickly, pulling up her sweatshirt to reveal the aforementioned shirt. They let out a soft snort.

“I figure you wanted to talk, though I don’t know what about.” Carolina reclined on her bed again.

“You remind me of Naomi.” Their voice wasn’t full of the same vitriol and hate as before. “I know you think I need to let go, but I can’t. They’re still in my head and they’re gone. I still want to rip out your spine each day.” Their fingers twitched and Carolina turned, actively listening now. “You remind me of Naomi and I want so badly to see her in you. But the red and the brown. Your hair. The eyes. They aren’t the same even if I see her face when I look up at you.” They put their head in their hands and Carolina slowly slid off the bed, setting her hand on their shoulder. She didn’t expect their arms to wind around her waist, pulling her close. She tugged on their arms, leading back to the bed and pulling them with. Reclining back, Carolina trusted them not to hurt her as she invited them to lay against her.

“I know I can’t replace Naomi. I wouldn’t ever want to do that, but at very least, I can help you cope.” Carolina scooted over when they refused to lay on her, opting to lay next to her. “I’m not going to talk like I knew her, but I want you to. I want to help get back to good. If you want, I can lead the way for you.”

They nodded.

“Call me Natalie. I can't replace the family I took from you, but I can offer to be the new family that tries to make it right. It’ll just take some time.” She watched the side of their face, waiting for acknowledgement.

“I’m not giving you my real name… not yet.”

_Time didn’t heal shit. It just gave you better ways of coping with pain._

 


End file.
